Raw Christmas

Yesterday I went for my first raw food dinner party. The host was Karen Knowler and the chief Russell James. What a wonderful evening that was. We had a beautiful raw meal, which I'm going to make for Christmas, however it will be just for myself as my family is not raw...yet!
It felt so comfortable to be around people who understood the concept of eating raw food and looking at life from a different perspective, people who are daring to go outside 'the box'.
I landed home at 1.30am (!) sober, inspired, full of ideas and enthusiasm for life. What a change to a ‘normal’ Christmas dinner party where you eat non-nutritious food washed down by alcohol and the next day you feel groggy and have a hangover.
I almost jumped up from bed this morning feeling so exited about the new day. I’m going to update this blogg and combine it with my other raw food blogg/diary I was writing on www.thegardendietforum.

I feel like today is another new beginning. Something changed again, or I could say it feels like another adjustment took place in my life, something clicked again and found its place. Is that another step on my consciousness journey?

Yesterday was a Winter Solstice. That event also had something to do with my way of thinking. Days are going to be longer now as planet Earth changed it position again and started a new journey too.
As the days are going to be longer I can start waking up again. The White Flame within me is waking up to give life to new ideas and new beginnings this year. For me year 2008 has already started with this Winter Solstice.

I also took a beautiful picture yesterday of the sunset. It was magnificent. It was a grey day but just before the end of it the sky cleared and the sun came up in its full glory.

The White Flame

As I’m slowing down I’m beginning to feel The White Flame inside me. It’s calm and beautiful. It gives me strength and a sense of worthiness. It’s very reassuring. I do forget about its existence during the day but when I’m relaxed, especially in the evening after yoga, I start remembering it.
It’s strange but I have become suddenly attracted to the colour white, well not white but ecru. It feels good and comfortable so I guess I will be shopping for new clothes soon.
In two days there is a winter solstice and I can feel the change coming. I’m so much more in tune with the nature now. Everything is in a deep sleep at the moment and I’m resting too. It’s time to reflect and stay still. It’s good to just observe the life and watch the time passing by.
Life becomes easier if we get attuned with nature and follow it’s rhythm. It is so simple yet we complicate it so much. Peace out.

Holidays

It feels so good to be on holidays at home. I can do what I want and when I want. I decided to fill my days with exercises and as healthy food as possible. It’s going very well but I’m quite tired. Well I do ashtanga, Pilates and a two-hour walk every day so I shouldn’t be surprised when I fall asleep in the afternoon.

Today I was thinking a lot about my job and how I would like to retire in four years. I will be 50 then and my children will finish school.
I don’t know but I always had that strange feeling that my life will change when I will be 50 years old. I can sense the change already now but I know I can’t start anything new, as I’m not ready yet. I still need to raise my consciousness a little bit higher and do lots of reading and research before I decide to be my own boss.
However it’s a good feeling to have that plan. I think for the first time in my life I managed to have a fairly clear plan of what I would like to do and where I’m going. I don’t know yet what exactly that be, but I know I will be there in four years time.
I feel much calmer now and the sensation of rushing somewhere is so much weaker. I must remember that feeling of relaxed body and face. There is time to do everything and I don’t need to rush anywhere. At last I’m beginning to understand my burning desire, this flame inside me, which was destroying me at many times. Of course it was pushing me forward at many other times and gave me strength and power to achieve great things but now I feel I can achieve even bigger things but with calm and serenity and that also means wisdom.
I never thought I could call myself wise, as I never believed in myself. The issue of self-value was always my biggest problem. I’m glad I’m turning the corner now. Is this a new clearing in the forest?

Searching

I felt apart today a little after catching up on news, life and feelings with my old friend. I came home and meditated with a crystal on my chest and felt much better afterwards. I'm still searching for my way to be comfortable with myself. I feel that I'm almost there and I can sense the clearing but I'm still in a thick forest. I can see the glimpses of flickering light and hear the music. I sometimes even feel that I found the beginning of the path but it's not the path after all, it's just a little clearing.
I meditated today asking my higher self to descend to this planet earth and embody more with this aspect of myself here, as my mission is to raise my consciousness. I do feel that every day I discover something new and move forward but in the last few days my ego took over, as I was hurt when someone was criticising my work. I got a lot of praises too but I almost didn't notice them. I latched into the criticism more and fed my ego with it. I guess my ego must be hungry by now as I'm trying not to get involved in any drama. I need to work more on my awareness.
I try to remember every morning this sentence "Why I'm here?" but I forget about it so easily. I need to write it on paper and stick it as a reminder on my desk and my bedroom wall. I had this idea of creating a picture of photos and slogans and have it near me at all times so I can remember who I'm and where I'm going.
I have two weeks break now so I might do it and maybe even take a picture and put it on this blogg. I would like to improve the quality of this blogg and enhance it with photos and images so this could be my first step.

Crannbery and chocolate cake

Today I made this fantastic cake! I invented the recipe on the spot. I've soaked some hazel and pecan nuts in one bowl and pine kernel nuts in the other the night before. I didn't know what would become of them and now I suffer as I have eaten two slices of that wonderful cake!
I should take a photo of it tomorrow before I eat it all.

I'm slowly trying to set up my raw food blogg but I have been too busy at my day 9-5 job. I need to make some choices but not yet. I still need to do a lot of learning and researching before taking my skills into the corporate world and becoming my own boss. I feel that this decision is getting closer and closer.
It's going to be a fusion of my teaching drama skills combined with spirituality and raw food. I'm creating it right now but it is still in etheric form. I need to put my focus into it and crystallise it. It looks like I'm in the process of creating another Aspect of myself.