Searching

I felt apart today a little after catching up on news, life and feelings with my old friend. I came home and meditated with a crystal on my chest and felt much better afterwards. I'm still searching for my way to be comfortable with myself. I feel that I'm almost there and I can sense the clearing but I'm still in a thick forest. I can see the glimpses of flickering light and hear the music. I sometimes even feel that I found the beginning of the path but it's not the path after all, it's just a little clearing.
I meditated today asking my higher self to descend to this planet earth and embody more with this aspect of myself here, as my mission is to raise my consciousness. I do feel that every day I discover something new and move forward but in the last few days my ego took over, as I was hurt when someone was criticising my work. I got a lot of praises too but I almost didn't notice them. I latched into the criticism more and fed my ego with it. I guess my ego must be hungry by now as I'm trying not to get involved in any drama. I need to work more on my awareness.
I try to remember every morning this sentence "Why I'm here?" but I forget about it so easily. I need to write it on paper and stick it as a reminder on my desk and my bedroom wall. I had this idea of creating a picture of photos and slogans and have it near me at all times so I can remember who I'm and where I'm going.
I have two weeks break now so I might do it and maybe even take a picture and put it on this blogg. I would like to improve the quality of this blogg and enhance it with photos and images so this could be my first step.