Holidays

It feels so good to be on holidays at home. I can do what I want and when I want. I decided to fill my days with exercises and as healthy food as possible. It’s going very well but I’m quite tired. Well I do ashtanga, Pilates and a two-hour walk every day so I shouldn’t be surprised when I fall asleep in the afternoon.

Today I was thinking a lot about my job and how I would like to retire in four years. I will be 50 then and my children will finish school.
I don’t know but I always had that strange feeling that my life will change when I will be 50 years old. I can sense the change already now but I know I can’t start anything new, as I’m not ready yet. I still need to raise my consciousness a little bit higher and do lots of reading and research before I decide to be my own boss.
However it’s a good feeling to have that plan. I think for the first time in my life I managed to have a fairly clear plan of what I would like to do and where I’m going. I don’t know yet what exactly that be, but I know I will be there in four years time.
I feel much calmer now and the sensation of rushing somewhere is so much weaker. I must remember that feeling of relaxed body and face. There is time to do everything and I don’t need to rush anywhere. At last I’m beginning to understand my burning desire, this flame inside me, which was destroying me at many times. Of course it was pushing me forward at many other times and gave me strength and power to achieve great things but now I feel I can achieve even bigger things but with calm and serenity and that also means wisdom.
I never thought I could call myself wise, as I never believed in myself. The issue of self-value was always my biggest problem. I’m glad I’m turning the corner now. Is this a new clearing in the forest?