Raw Christmas

Yesterday I went for my first raw food dinner party. The host was Karen Knowler and the chief Russell James. What a wonderful evening that was. We had a beautiful raw meal, which I'm going to make for Christmas, however it will be just for myself as my family is not raw...yet!
It felt so comfortable to be around people who understood the concept of eating raw food and looking at life from a different perspective, people who are daring to go outside 'the box'.
I landed home at 1.30am (!) sober, inspired, full of ideas and enthusiasm for life. What a change to a ‘normal’ Christmas dinner party where you eat non-nutritious food washed down by alcohol and the next day you feel groggy and have a hangover.
I almost jumped up from bed this morning feeling so exited about the new day. I’m going to update this blogg and combine it with my other raw food blogg/diary I was writing on www.thegardendietforum.

I feel like today is another new beginning. Something changed again, or I could say it feels like another adjustment took place in my life, something clicked again and found its place. Is that another step on my consciousness journey?

Yesterday was a Winter Solstice. That event also had something to do with my way of thinking. Days are going to be longer now as planet Earth changed it position again and started a new journey too.
As the days are going to be longer I can start waking up again. The White Flame within me is waking up to give life to new ideas and new beginnings this year. For me year 2008 has already started with this Winter Solstice.

I also took a beautiful picture yesterday of the sunset. It was magnificent. It was a grey day but just before the end of it the sky cleared and the sun came up in its full glory.

The White Flame

As I’m slowing down I’m beginning to feel The White Flame inside me. It’s calm and beautiful. It gives me strength and a sense of worthiness. It’s very reassuring. I do forget about its existence during the day but when I’m relaxed, especially in the evening after yoga, I start remembering it.
It’s strange but I have become suddenly attracted to the colour white, well not white but ecru. It feels good and comfortable so I guess I will be shopping for new clothes soon.
In two days there is a winter solstice and I can feel the change coming. I’m so much more in tune with the nature now. Everything is in a deep sleep at the moment and I’m resting too. It’s time to reflect and stay still. It’s good to just observe the life and watch the time passing by.
Life becomes easier if we get attuned with nature and follow it’s rhythm. It is so simple yet we complicate it so much. Peace out.

Holidays

It feels so good to be on holidays at home. I can do what I want and when I want. I decided to fill my days with exercises and as healthy food as possible. It’s going very well but I’m quite tired. Well I do ashtanga, Pilates and a two-hour walk every day so I shouldn’t be surprised when I fall asleep in the afternoon.

Today I was thinking a lot about my job and how I would like to retire in four years. I will be 50 then and my children will finish school.
I don’t know but I always had that strange feeling that my life will change when I will be 50 years old. I can sense the change already now but I know I can’t start anything new, as I’m not ready yet. I still need to raise my consciousness a little bit higher and do lots of reading and research before I decide to be my own boss.
However it’s a good feeling to have that plan. I think for the first time in my life I managed to have a fairly clear plan of what I would like to do and where I’m going. I don’t know yet what exactly that be, but I know I will be there in four years time.
I feel much calmer now and the sensation of rushing somewhere is so much weaker. I must remember that feeling of relaxed body and face. There is time to do everything and I don’t need to rush anywhere. At last I’m beginning to understand my burning desire, this flame inside me, which was destroying me at many times. Of course it was pushing me forward at many other times and gave me strength and power to achieve great things but now I feel I can achieve even bigger things but with calm and serenity and that also means wisdom.
I never thought I could call myself wise, as I never believed in myself. The issue of self-value was always my biggest problem. I’m glad I’m turning the corner now. Is this a new clearing in the forest?

Searching

I felt apart today a little after catching up on news, life and feelings with my old friend. I came home and meditated with a crystal on my chest and felt much better afterwards. I'm still searching for my way to be comfortable with myself. I feel that I'm almost there and I can sense the clearing but I'm still in a thick forest. I can see the glimpses of flickering light and hear the music. I sometimes even feel that I found the beginning of the path but it's not the path after all, it's just a little clearing.
I meditated today asking my higher self to descend to this planet earth and embody more with this aspect of myself here, as my mission is to raise my consciousness. I do feel that every day I discover something new and move forward but in the last few days my ego took over, as I was hurt when someone was criticising my work. I got a lot of praises too but I almost didn't notice them. I latched into the criticism more and fed my ego with it. I guess my ego must be hungry by now as I'm trying not to get involved in any drama. I need to work more on my awareness.
I try to remember every morning this sentence "Why I'm here?" but I forget about it so easily. I need to write it on paper and stick it as a reminder on my desk and my bedroom wall. I had this idea of creating a picture of photos and slogans and have it near me at all times so I can remember who I'm and where I'm going.
I have two weeks break now so I might do it and maybe even take a picture and put it on this blogg. I would like to improve the quality of this blogg and enhance it with photos and images so this could be my first step.

Crannbery and chocolate cake

Today I made this fantastic cake! I invented the recipe on the spot. I've soaked some hazel and pecan nuts in one bowl and pine kernel nuts in the other the night before. I didn't know what would become of them and now I suffer as I have eaten two slices of that wonderful cake!
I should take a photo of it tomorrow before I eat it all.

I'm slowly trying to set up my raw food blogg but I have been too busy at my day 9-5 job. I need to make some choices but not yet. I still need to do a lot of learning and researching before taking my skills into the corporate world and becoming my own boss. I feel that this decision is getting closer and closer.
It's going to be a fusion of my teaching drama skills combined with spirituality and raw food. I'm creating it right now but it is still in etheric form. I need to put my focus into it and crystallise it. It looks like I'm in the process of creating another Aspect of myself.

Ego

Finally I'm beginning to understand the meaning of ancient words "My children know you not that the earth and all that dwells therein is but a reflection of the kingdom of the heavenly Father' in relation to my situation at home, especially with my love one.
My frustration over his way of being mirrors exactly his behaviour and my reaction to it. I create my own world.
It's so simple. Our feelings and emotions together with our thoughts compose our world. If I change my feelings towards my love one and my attitude towards his way of being, feel compassion and love, it will have an effect on him. That love and compassion will be reflected back, the universe will mirror it back.
It's a beautiful concept by which our ancient ancestors lived and which we should adapt in our lives to create peace and harmony on our planet earth.
My goal in life is to unite with Christ and Buddha consciousness, to feel love and compassion towards all living creatures and situations no matter what. To be able to raise the consciousness of our living world I must first harness my ego, which I developed so far in my life. The Ego is the only thing on the way to my goal. However I mustn’t condemn my ego but embrace it and understand its motives. The ego has been with me all my life and I developed patterns and ways of behaviour and belief systems. Now I have to undo it all and learn a new way of thinking, feeling and experiencing life.
I have many tools to help me to accomplish that. Some of them are breathing, yoga and raw food.

Creation

I'm so beautifully light at the moment. It's an amazing feeling. It's like all obstacles from my life have been removed and my life is just flowing smooth and easy. I'm not afraid anymore and can embrace everything.
I had a good session with my students today. I really feel that they are learning a lot. I feel so wise and sometimes I wonder where is that knowledge coming from? I just know what to say and see what can be achieved. It's wonderful. Last year I was wishing to work at the University level or Drama School so I can pass my knowledge and develop myself with more joy. I have just realised that I don't have to change my job and find the students but they will find me. They have already found me. I can teach them on a higher level, it's all down to me. I can create. I'm learning more and more about creation every day. It's fascinating. We are creating every minute of our life. The Universe reflects everything we do, our feelings, emotions and thoughts.
Until not so long ago I was in a deep sleep, confused and angry entangled with my thoughts, shaken by my emotions, not in control of my feelings. Now I discovered that there are 3 elements, which can help me to create my life. I have to re-learn how to live in a conscious and creative way.
How? It's simple but it will take time to put it into action. Thoughts are powerful but need to be harnessed. Through yoga and conscious breathing I can clear the stream of thoughts. I'm trying to be aware of my thinking process and reduce it to minimum. There is so much clatter going on, so much traffic, which needs to be directed and controlled.
Emotions ruled my life and I was certainly not in control of them but they were in control of me. I was acting mainly through emotions. They had such power over me! Now I'm learning how to be aware of them and keep them in at the right distance.
Feelings were just sweeping through me like weather. I felt all the emotions very deeply but didn't know how to direct them so they were just passing by.
Now I'm beginning to understand the power of thought, emotion and feelings unified together. If I want to create something I just need to think about it, bring the emotion to the surface, usually love, and evoke the feeling to touch it and sense it in my imagination. That is the secret of creation!

Sleep

Last night I almost managed to sleep in awareness. Usually I go to bed, read few pages of the book and off I go into a deep sleep, turning on my side or my tummy, face squashed against the pillow.
Last night was different.
I was trying to sleep on my back for some time now with some difficulty I must say. However I have improved a lot and yesterday I slept all night on my back. I also went into a deep meditation focusing on breathing when I closed my eyes and decided to fell asleep. I was breathing for a long time and went almost into a trance. I felt good and relaxed and I knew I could go on like that for a whole night. Fortunately or unfortunately I fell asleep but I was waking up few times during the night. I was aware what I was doing. I was also exited about getting up in the morning and going to work. I was wondering if I would be tired the next day because according to gained experiences so far I should be exhausted.
I woke up fresh and energised at 6am in the morning and I fell asleep I think between 1-2am. I worked all day without one yawn and now I'm still awake at 11pm not feeling tired at all. Amazing. I also did some deep breathing exercises outside first thing followed by ashtanga yoga for 30min. Not bad. I hope I can keep that pattern going for some time.
I wonder how I feel tomorrow?

Breath

I have been aware of breathing for some time and read a lot on this subject. Yoga has helped me to develop my breathing and information from books and tapes helped me to be more aware of my breath. However yesterday for the first time I was consciously breathing for almost the whole day. It was difficult but very rewarding. I was trying to breath slowly and into my lungs not the tummy and it was challenging.
Today things were different because I went to work and I have lost myself in it. I still remembered from time to time about my conscious breathing but not very often. I managed to go outside once and stood by the tree in the sun. That was lovely.
I also took my friend out of the office during lunchtime for a short walk to the park. Very rewarding. I shall do that every day, well except when it's raining.
When I'm aware of my breath I'm focused and calm. It seems that I do slow down but that's only an illusion, I'm just more focused and organised. I'm simply much more aware of myself. Tomorrow I'm teaching so I'll try to stay focused or just be aware of my breath.
Breath is life. Our life starts with the first breathe and finishes with the last one. We take it for granted, we are breathing with no awareness. Unfortunately we are doing lots of things without awareness in our daily lives. We are eating without putting any attention to food often watching TV, reading newspaper or getting involved in a dispute at the dinner table.
I was a very good example of that. I specially liked watching TV and eating lying on my sofa in the living room. What a comfortable, blind state of being. I was basically not present. I came to this planet Earth to live a conscious happy life; meanwhile I was sleeping, living in an illusion and wondering why life is not fare.

The ego

I have taken another huge step today in raising my consciousness and understanding who I'm on this planet and what is my purpose of life. I have already figured it out that my life purpose is to raise my own consciousness and therefore help others to realise who they are and leave the mass consciousness.
Today I've understood more clearly the ego. Ego is identification with my own body, with this world, not the planet Earth, not Gaia but the world of illusion, our reality. Now, we project our reality through our thoughts. This is very important to understand. Our thoughts create our world and that world is the illusion we live in. We identify ourselves with this world and therefore suffer greatly. We over identify ourselves with our bodies, our possessions and the opinions of others.
How silly is that! Finally that is so clear to me.
This is so simple and I heard it so many times form so many sources, it is so simple. Life is so simple. We make it so difficult and complicated; we overcomplicate it with our dramas, our self-inflicted sufferings. We get caught in it, as we are so blind.
We simply forget that God has created us and we project ourselves on this planet as humans to realise God, to be creators, to manifest God. I was told that so many times but today finally it makes so much more sense!
How many times I've heard that saying that we are One? Now I understand, we are One creation of God and we manifest ourselves on this planet in the forms of bodies to create, to manifest God. Why don't they teach us this at school?
It's so simple.
We are the essence of God and we project ourselves as forms (humans) on this planet. The essence is One bur there are many forms. Form = ego = duality, fear, separation and illusion.

Raw Food

I used to love eating, everything and there was no food I didn't like. I've eaten a huge variety of foods in my life but when I was starting to wake up I gave up meat. Then I was searching for a perfect diet. I've tried lots of different approaches wanting to be healthy and loose some creeping pounds, which I was gaining more and more as I was getting older.
Finally two years ago I found it. A raw food book landed in my hands and I couldn't put it down. That was it and I was hooked. I’ve decided to try it for a week and two years later I'm still with it.
There is a huge difference between my first attempts of eating raw and what I'm eating now. I've learnt so much about healthy eating, my body and become more spiritual. I didn't realised that food has so much to do with spirituality.
At the beginning I wasn't eating only raw food as I was transitioning and occasionally had cooked meal, mainly when I was socialising. It was also very difficult for me to give up wine and cheese, which I finally did this September.
Now I'm mainly eating superfoods and I'm still researching and experimenting with this amazing way of eating.
When I'm talking about raw food diet I don't mean carrot and celery sticks but delicious dips, crackers, raw pizza, raw lasagne, soups and best of all, raw chocolate, all of which I make myself.
Today my cupboard is stocked up with goji berries, chocolate chips and powder, hemp seeds, flax seeds, spirulina, green algae, seaweeds and variety of oils.
I'm fortunate enough to have a large garden so I have my own supply of salad and other vegetables.
I'm growing my own food and nourish my body and at the same time I also nourish my soul. Raw food gave me so much clean, light energy, abundance of new energy. I sleep less and I'm not tired anymore. My head is clear and my heart if full of love.

This blogg is my personal encounter with this Universe, which I would like to share with other people on a similar journey. Everybody on this planet Earth is on the road, their own road to enlightenment, and their own journey to find out who they are and what is their mission as they travel through the Universe.

After 45 years on this planet I have realised that my job, not the one you go to every day and get paid for but the life job, the Earth job is to be a teacher, a teacher of consciousness. Myself I have still a lot to learn as I have just entered this magical journey with being aware of where I'm and what I'm doing. Until now I was following this road but not knowing where it leads and what am I suppose to do. The road was taking me somewhere, I was passing the crossroads taking the turnings by off chance, jumping the paddles, following it step by step going left, right, passing by many signs not knowing where I was and what I was doing most of the time.
About 7 years ago I started to see a small light in a distance, something changed within me and I realised that all my walking time on this planet I was asleep and not only in this life. I was here before and I was in a very deep sleep following that dark, foggy road, swimming in a soup of heavy human consciousness.

This was my first step, now I have just made another one. On September the 18th 2007 our planet Earth made a step too, a huge quantum leap step. This time I was awake and jumped on it with open eyes.